a life what?

i can honestly say i completely forgot about this blog- as evident by the date of my last post- and i highly doubt that i actually have anyone who will read it but i will write anyways cause writing stuff out has a strange therapeutic effect (at least on me).

so- i am 27 now, working as a live-in nanny, job I've had for a year now and while i am uniquely qualified to do the job and i believe i do it well I've got an exit plan and i am going through the motions, researching, planning and mapping out the next few steps- I'm finally pursuing something I've wanted to pursue for years but for many reasons just kept tucked away in my heart.

I am a relatively open person- not many secrets but the things closest to my heart are not so widely known, i suppose they are the ones i stand to incur the most hurt from if things should go wrong so it might come to a surprise for me to tell you what this dream of mine is- and if you think hard about the person i am, hopefully it'll make perfect sense. I want to be a life coach!

I absolutely love setting goals and mapping out steps to achieving them, and don't even get me started on the importance of a proper foundation to reach those goals, or the power of eliminating small tolerances from our daily lives, for the last few years I've devoured every book i can find on the subject and i am on 3 or 4 coaching school mailing lists, and now I've decided to go after it! my hope is to be certified at the basic level within a year, and 6 months after that to complete the advanced courses- i hope to be coaching part time by then, and full time within 5 years- there i wrote out my goals for the world to see! here we go!

the option of adoption

I decided a few years ago that i didn't ever want to have my own children (like physically birth them). Don't get me wrong, i can't wait to be a mom but i don't care to have little ones who carry my dna and all. I have some conditions and such that WILL be passed down generationally and some big complications that would alter my physical state if i even did get pregnant so i plan to fill my home with children who were brought into the world by parents who didn't want them, or couldn't keep them.

Growing up we had foster kids (as far back as i can remember) infact, my younger brother, who is now 19 came to us at the age of 6 months, and we adopted him. My mom also worked as an international adoption agent for Holt for about 10 years, and i had the privilage of babysitting alot of the kids that her families adopted, they were just like any other kids, maybe their eyes looked different or their skin was a bit darker but there was no question of who they belonged to.

Did you know that if just 7% of christian adopted an orphan there would be no more orphans, granted i know not all orphans are availible for adoption and there would continue to be more born day after day but it seems such a simple soultion... 7% is such a small number, to make such a huge impact.

anyhow i'm still the same single aileen, no guy in my life at the moment and therefore no closer to the children that will someday be mine but- i just wanted to throw this out there, it was on my heart today.

--leen

an ACTUAL update

(me and my new pink dress, and old red wig... i've given up on hoping that my REAL hair will ever grow to be long agian)


how many times have i been asked in the last week "what have you been up to"... oy, so i decided to write a blog on it.

first first- before the REAL updates, YES the blue subaru has been repainted, by brush this time, a two-toned terquise and it looks great if i do say so myself!

1- i'm still watching rohan, 3 afternoons a week, i only watch him 10 hours a week but it's been a year and a half now and i've fallen in love with the little guy so i can't leave him and find a full time nanny job

2- i did just get a second job, also about 10 hours a week, helping out a friend of my mom's at her flag and banner shop, a bunch of peeling and sewing and random stuff like that

3- i'm building a website on how to live the best life (sorta a way to be the life coach i long to be without having to go to school) it's located at www.bestbestlife.com and its a work in progress, i spend about 6-8 hours a week on it.

4- i'm enjoying the sunshine and dreaming about traveling the us... if it's God's will he'll make a way and if not i suppose i'll go on dreaming for a few more years, maybe i'll have to visit those whom i know and love scattered around the globe instead...

simply put i'm holding loose to my plans and expectations for what my life should be or what it could be (or what i thought it's be now at the ripe age of 25), i'm following the dreams Gods put in me and making sure the sails are up- that i'll catch the wind and sail luff (closer to the wind)... it's amazing to feel so content with my jobs, with my status (still single and perfectly ok with it, perhaps its because i know i won't ever be ready to be the woman or wife God wants me to be until i learn to be ok with being just me first), living situation (still in the parents house... weeding through the boxes of junk i've accumulated over the years).

i sleep in almost every morning, work out or walk the butte a few times a week, and low and behold (though i have not yet mastered the art of my lovely pink guitar) i've been writing songs like crazy latley (on the trusty old piano)... i am quite simply living in the sweet spot!!!!

hope that answers all your questions.
much love
--aileen

(ps and after a year or two of carrying my camera EVERYWHERE with me it finally broke and i haven't the funds to replace it just yet so this summer may be alot less eventful for the photo updates and my editing program is on the fritz with the rest of my pc so yah...:(

update of sorts

so i decided that i'm just gonna be one of those people who has more than one blog, since i spend the bulk of my day with a 3 year old who dosn't really care to hear my view of the world and my woes, i find i have plenty to write about.

-first i thought i'd start with a funny story, saterday night i went to a wedding, many friends were there to whitness the lovely wedding of dani and kevin... fish was the caterer, anyhow i ate food and enjoyed every bite... went home a few hours later and as i sliped into sleep i couldn't stop rubbing my eye, it hurt really bad, none the less i fell asleep, and awoke at 9 (two hours earilier than i had planned) to go to the bathroom and happend to glimps into the mirror to see my right eye completly swollen shut... woe is me. this has actually happened once before, when i discovered that i love pistachios and then discovered the same day that i was allergic, but that time my right cheek and throat also swelled, anyhow, it was a fun day of taking drugs to lessen the swelling and my mom continually checking to see how it was. about 2, i finally could open my eye and by 5 (when i had to leave the house to babysit) it was looking just a little puffy (but still i put on a hat and pulled it low to conseal my silly looking face). not sure what it was that i ate, i don't think there were nuts in any of it but who knows. ... i have a picture on my phone (so if you wanna see it ask...) i can't upload any new pics at the moment cause my camera and computer are both broken... my luck

(so here's an old pic that has nothing to do with anything... unless you (like me) love sour skittles in which case it's to make your mouth water)



which leads me to story two- not nearly as amusing but still... i went camping a few weeks ago (that's not the story, though i do slightly HATE camping so of course there are stories to be told from that... perhaps another time) anyhow my camera went camping too... since my trusty little kodak goes everywhere i go.. i whipped it out to get a picture of my brother-in-law chad trying to stuff a fullsize air matress into a small pup tent (etched in my mind)and discoverd that the lense is broken, won't open...even when i try to help it. so i figured, after a year and a half of going everywhere with me (got it on my 24th b-day) that i'd invest in getting the camera of my dreams.... drumroll please... a nikon, i'm saving all the money i get from side jobs this summer and whatever i have from the yardsale after i pay the stupid irs... soon i shall have my beloved camera, now if only i could get my computer up and running again so i can once again presume my hermit life of editing photos into the night.

and the last story for this blog...


it's about my little doggy sunny, she looks like a puppy but she's actually 6 and a half, i've had her for about 6 years (she's my baby), anyhow the other day i walked the butte with amy, and when i walk from home i take sunny, somehow the little doggy makes me feel safer (she's real loud, and kinda mean to people she dosn't know) so we met up and janelle (who decided to join us last minet) brought her dog, also a small dog , a boy dog names shawn but he's like 16 so...a bit older than sunny, now sunny dosn't normally like other dogs, she usually barks like crazy and stuff but she kinda liked shawn, sorta alot, she cept trying to walk by him and stuff and shawn was having none of it, he kept walking the other way... it was really funny, my doggy has a crush, thought i'd share that with all of you.

and that's if for the ramble session today, hope i didnt' bore you all to much
tah
--aileen

good-bye!

i'll keep this site up so i can check everyone else's site's but my real website is www.aileen.ws

and then my myspace also-
life is just to busy to have this one too----

much love!-aileen

Dress up fun!

i have a mere 81 days left until the continentals tour kicks off!!! woo-hoo (not to late for you to book our tour at your church).
and the fundraising has begun.
first i had a murder for missions party (murder mystery) though this first one was free and there will be a story in the bend bulliten about it (so hopefully i'll get a bunch of interest in the next two ...which will be 25$ per character)

then we had a costume (ninja, vampire, egyptian or pirate) scavanger hunt around bend for kaila's b-day... so here are some pics from both!!!


my charactar was from india!






some of the muderered victims!


boys in make-up...just funny!




my awsome blue wig!


the only pink toilet we could find!


the winning team- three ninja's and a pirate!

my baby!

the reason for the storm

such a simple concept- trouble, tribulation, resistance. yet to ponder the purpose in the pain, the reason for the storms, the providence behind it all, when it seems that God not only allowed them but sent them to us express.
We learn (or have the opportunity too) so much in these storms, about ourselves, of hidden strengths and covered weaknesses, we build endurance, learn dependence but most importantly (from today's prospective) we learn the true definition of devotion...what it means to love God, even with an empty stomach and a negative bank balance, to turn to him and lift weary arms in praise when his blessings are no where in sight.

to echo Job in saying "...yet though he slay me, still will i praise him" it's the beauty of learning to praise him the the midst, not because i know that it will end and his blessings will come but simply because he's worth it. to build a relationship with God not based on our conditions or our emotions (both that change with the wind) but based on who he is, who history shows us he is, who the bible says he is, who he has proved he is.

(blog inspired by 1- job and 2- "passion and purity" current book i'm reading)... hope it rang true somewhere.

much love
--aileen

Home again Home again

Home again home again



so- it is with a sore back i write to you this late evening, from a new room,
very formiliar house...
i moved back home yesterday....sigh....
this time i moved into the room that my younger sister lived in -during our
younger years (and thus inherited her cat- which my sinuses are still adjusting
to)
the feelings are mixed (as always) i lament in the feeling of surrendering my
much enjoyed independence (or seperatness from the family unit) but i'm happy
to be home again where the messes don't seem to pile up as quickly and the
power bill comes addressed to my dad and not to me.

my things are all boxed up and i feel a bit disorented (i honestly can't tell you
where my toothbrush is....no worries, i have a spare).
i do feel however, on a whole different note that this move goes right along
with the season i'm in currently.
a month or so ago- while complaining to God about facing yet another year
of wait (when it seems my whole life has been one big long one) i felt him say
to me--- it's not a season of wait, it's a season of WEIGHT!

which may not mean a lot to you, but to me it was real big- and now with the
first few steps of this new season behind me- it keeps me looking ahead to what
he's promised he'll do in me (if i seek his will and follow his guidence)

funny how packing things up and moving and reorganizing things (re prioritizing-
in a way) can cause you to re-evaluate your life, your focus and what you
spend your time on.... to see passions of yesterday lying in a box that has been
in a closet for 6 months (does something to ya)

so- i am home again--- physically and spiritually and though it might be the cat
hair in the room taking it's affect- my eyes tear up a bit at the thought of being
back under the care of my parents- under their roof- under their provision again-
there's a feeling of safty here that the world will never duplicate and i'm gonna
enjoy it while i can!

hope ya'll have a wonderful night
much love
--aileen

Yard sale adventure!

last weekend was the first of many fundraisers to raise funds for the mission trip which is a mere 140 days away! and here are some fun pics to make you feel like you were there...
i made 200$- wish it were more but it's 200 i didn't have so- 5800$ to go!

Tonights prayer

Lord you are everything. Your are the fix to every problem, the answer to every question and the fulfillment of every desire.
Take my eyes off of me tonight and set them on you- and remind me that when i do, you show you're strength in each and every one of my weaknesses.
Let the songs i sing in worship echo in my life- let me see with your eyes and speak with your voice.

keep my eyes on you- keep my eyes on you

amen

man the sails

Nine and a half pages in my journal today and i'm gonna share just a little snippet with you:
This summer has been sort of a layback summer for me, not a lot a work, not alot of much really. I did accomplish some things worth noteing- *i was in two weddings (caught two bouquets) *repainted the entire inside of my car *counseled at summer camp again and *read the entire bible in 9 weeks but for the most part my summer has been lacking.
God speaks to me from the pages of the bible, through sermons, sometimes though other people and songs but not like he used to- it used to be i couldn't go more than a few days without him interupting my day, he'd speak to me in the middle of my routine- let me know he was there or show me what to do next, give me a little booste of faith or encouragement.
and dare i admit- it's been a few months since i've heard him like that
until today- i was in the park, sitting on the big bumble bee, watching ro walk around and i felt a cool breeze- the kind that lets you know fall is coming- and then it hit me
a picture and then the explination.

i was in a boat in the water, with my legs over the side and my feet dangleing in the water and the breeze was moving my hair.

explinataion- the water is God, his pressence.
the boat is my relationship with him:
this summer i've kinda lounged in the boat. once or twice i jumped in and splashed around, sometimes just letting my feet in the water to cool me off. But it (like my summer) has been lacking - one huge, essential thing. you see this is not just any kind of boat, it's a sail boat and there is no sail drawn. this dosn't mean that i havn't felt the wind, or that my boat hasn't moved with the motion of the waves (created by that wind) but for the most part i have missed one oppertunity after the next to move- to where the wind (his spirit) wants me to go
not only that- but somedays i even dug out my oars and paddled myself where i wanted to go- sometimes even against the wind.

to those of you around me who watch my life- my peers, and to those i lead- i apoligize... i have been a poor example.
Know that they are up now! the sails are where they were meant to be, where they were made to be and filled with wind again. and i intend to keep them that way.

--much love

return of "THE QUESTION"

if time, money and schooling were no barrier and God gave you an open door- what would you be doing right now? (occupation wise)

New Shoes

the world of womens shoes is a strange and particular thing- the cutest ones tend to be the ones that hurt the most.
I've always been an big fan of flats and flip flops myself but a few months ago i made a discover (that has changed my wardrobe drastically) i learned that after a few very painful days of wearing the cute heels, my feet got used to them and i could walk without having to take them off every time i sat down.

which makes me think- how many times have i looked at things in my life that i want to walk out and not even tried because i was sure i couldn't endure the pain. how many times have i passed something up because the initial pain of trying it out was to much to handle.

as i look back on the most painful times in my life, the times when i was heart broken and lonely or lost and hurting, confuzed and uncertain of anything. i see that those times, the pain was what drove me to become better, stronger, wiser. i walk differently now because of that pain. - and thus is true of today--- so i will look at it as not another trial to bare and endure or another heartache to get over, i'll instead look at it as yet another pair of shoes to break in... knowing that after the first few painful days i will learn to walk in them!

--much love

So much for sleeping!

so yah- camp was this last week- i'll write more about that later and my experience as counselor for 7 amazing girls but for now here are some pictures for you.

more pictures from wedding week

the whole bridal shower gang!


at the bridal shower everyone was spit into teams (of three) and then they had to write a poem about JoAnne and Chad using all these random items... i was very impressed at the quality of poems! they're going in her book for sure


said poem writting


another bridal shower game... they had to draw a picture of Jo in her dress and vail and all... but on top of their heads... very humerous (also going in the book)


and this "folks" is my new brother!!!


trying out a new look!

Barns and nobel starbucks (bacholerette party planning session)


putting together the programs (two nights before)


tying bows and punching holes like pros!

we were all very tierd...sunny fell asleep half way through the project


finished product (haha...not without having to reglue a page on the next day... yes, all 140 of them)


waiting to get our nails done


getting pretty


finished product... no touchups needed (yay)


rehersal

the bridesmaid dresses have an uneven hem (on purpose) so we told jo we were all gonna stand like this...(no we didn't)


rehersal dinner (me natty and cousin mallory) holding up the beans... uh yah, no reason really

getting her bacholerette party attire on!


pretty as ever!


friends cousins and sisters- fun times


i made her shirt... it say's "Last night as a STRONG"... but always a sister!