the reason for the storm

such a simple concept- trouble, tribulation, resistance. yet to ponder the purpose in the pain, the reason for the storms, the providence behind it all, when it seems that God not only allowed them but sent them to us express.
We learn (or have the opportunity too) so much in these storms, about ourselves, of hidden strengths and covered weaknesses, we build endurance, learn dependence but most importantly (from today's prospective) we learn the true definition of devotion...what it means to love God, even with an empty stomach and a negative bank balance, to turn to him and lift weary arms in praise when his blessings are no where in sight.

to echo Job in saying "...yet though he slay me, still will i praise him" it's the beauty of learning to praise him the the midst, not because i know that it will end and his blessings will come but simply because he's worth it. to build a relationship with God not based on our conditions or our emotions (both that change with the wind) but based on who he is, who history shows us he is, who the bible says he is, who he has proved he is.

(blog inspired by 1- job and 2- "passion and purity" current book i'm reading)... hope it rang true somewhere.

much love
--aileen

Home again Home again

Home again home again



so- it is with a sore back i write to you this late evening, from a new room,
very formiliar house...
i moved back home yesterday....sigh....
this time i moved into the room that my younger sister lived in -during our
younger years (and thus inherited her cat- which my sinuses are still adjusting
to)
the feelings are mixed (as always) i lament in the feeling of surrendering my
much enjoyed independence (or seperatness from the family unit) but i'm happy
to be home again where the messes don't seem to pile up as quickly and the
power bill comes addressed to my dad and not to me.

my things are all boxed up and i feel a bit disorented (i honestly can't tell you
where my toothbrush is....no worries, i have a spare).
i do feel however, on a whole different note that this move goes right along
with the season i'm in currently.
a month or so ago- while complaining to God about facing yet another year
of wait (when it seems my whole life has been one big long one) i felt him say
to me--- it's not a season of wait, it's a season of WEIGHT!

which may not mean a lot to you, but to me it was real big- and now with the
first few steps of this new season behind me- it keeps me looking ahead to what
he's promised he'll do in me (if i seek his will and follow his guidence)

funny how packing things up and moving and reorganizing things (re prioritizing-
in a way) can cause you to re-evaluate your life, your focus and what you
spend your time on.... to see passions of yesterday lying in a box that has been
in a closet for 6 months (does something to ya)

so- i am home again--- physically and spiritually and though it might be the cat
hair in the room taking it's affect- my eyes tear up a bit at the thought of being
back under the care of my parents- under their roof- under their provision again-
there's a feeling of safty here that the world will never duplicate and i'm gonna
enjoy it while i can!

hope ya'll have a wonderful night
much love
--aileen

Yard sale adventure!

last weekend was the first of many fundraisers to raise funds for the mission trip which is a mere 140 days away! and here are some fun pics to make you feel like you were there...
i made 200$- wish it were more but it's 200 i didn't have so- 5800$ to go!

Tonights prayer

Lord you are everything. Your are the fix to every problem, the answer to every question and the fulfillment of every desire.
Take my eyes off of me tonight and set them on you- and remind me that when i do, you show you're strength in each and every one of my weaknesses.
Let the songs i sing in worship echo in my life- let me see with your eyes and speak with your voice.

keep my eyes on you- keep my eyes on you

amen

man the sails

Nine and a half pages in my journal today and i'm gonna share just a little snippet with you:
This summer has been sort of a layback summer for me, not a lot a work, not alot of much really. I did accomplish some things worth noteing- *i was in two weddings (caught two bouquets) *repainted the entire inside of my car *counseled at summer camp again and *read the entire bible in 9 weeks but for the most part my summer has been lacking.
God speaks to me from the pages of the bible, through sermons, sometimes though other people and songs but not like he used to- it used to be i couldn't go more than a few days without him interupting my day, he'd speak to me in the middle of my routine- let me know he was there or show me what to do next, give me a little booste of faith or encouragement.
and dare i admit- it's been a few months since i've heard him like that
until today- i was in the park, sitting on the big bumble bee, watching ro walk around and i felt a cool breeze- the kind that lets you know fall is coming- and then it hit me
a picture and then the explination.

i was in a boat in the water, with my legs over the side and my feet dangleing in the water and the breeze was moving my hair.

explinataion- the water is God, his pressence.
the boat is my relationship with him:
this summer i've kinda lounged in the boat. once or twice i jumped in and splashed around, sometimes just letting my feet in the water to cool me off. But it (like my summer) has been lacking - one huge, essential thing. you see this is not just any kind of boat, it's a sail boat and there is no sail drawn. this dosn't mean that i havn't felt the wind, or that my boat hasn't moved with the motion of the waves (created by that wind) but for the most part i have missed one oppertunity after the next to move- to where the wind (his spirit) wants me to go
not only that- but somedays i even dug out my oars and paddled myself where i wanted to go- sometimes even against the wind.

to those of you around me who watch my life- my peers, and to those i lead- i apoligize... i have been a poor example.
Know that they are up now! the sails are where they were meant to be, where they were made to be and filled with wind again. and i intend to keep them that way.

--much love

return of "THE QUESTION"

if time, money and schooling were no barrier and God gave you an open door- what would you be doing right now? (occupation wise)

New Shoes

the world of womens shoes is a strange and particular thing- the cutest ones tend to be the ones that hurt the most.
I've always been an big fan of flats and flip flops myself but a few months ago i made a discover (that has changed my wardrobe drastically) i learned that after a few very painful days of wearing the cute heels, my feet got used to them and i could walk without having to take them off every time i sat down.

which makes me think- how many times have i looked at things in my life that i want to walk out and not even tried because i was sure i couldn't endure the pain. how many times have i passed something up because the initial pain of trying it out was to much to handle.

as i look back on the most painful times in my life, the times when i was heart broken and lonely or lost and hurting, confuzed and uncertain of anything. i see that those times, the pain was what drove me to become better, stronger, wiser. i walk differently now because of that pain. - and thus is true of today--- so i will look at it as not another trial to bare and endure or another heartache to get over, i'll instead look at it as yet another pair of shoes to break in... knowing that after the first few painful days i will learn to walk in them!

--much love