she was born into a loving family- a Christian family.
she had parents who loved her and loved each other.
she asked Jesus into her heart at age 7.
she had two bibles, knew all the stories and songs,
but as she grew up...
she hated who she was.
she hated the way she walked
she hated the way she talked
she hated her skin and hair, her name and everything else about her
she longed to disappear
she wondered, how a mighty God could love one such as her.
she wondered often if he even existed.
she wondered what would happen if she died to find out he didn't exist.
she thought of death a lot.
she got real sick.
she had a lot of pain and lost alot of weight, which made them make fun of her even more.
she got tested and retested for a year and finally
she was diagnosed with a disease.
she wouldn't die from it but it would change her life
she'd have to think about it for the rest of her life, every day, every time she ate.
now more than ever she doubted Gods existence.
she got real good at blending in to the crowd.
she wanted more than anything to make all the pain go away but didn't know how.
all the while
she still spent her summers at bible camp and her Sundays in church, singing the songs she couldn't believe.
she always had a smile on her face so no-one would suspect.
til one night
they gathered around her
as so many had before
they layed their hands on her and prayed to that God who said he loved her.
she went home.
she had been healed.
still not getting sick.
she got retested and ...after 3 years... it was gone.
this disease that has no cure, that stays with you for the rest of your life... gone.
in that moment.
in that instant.
in that dark kitchen as she sat on the counter with all the hope she could muster in her.
her doubt melted away.
she found her value and her worth in one simple truth.
He is real
She felt his touch
and she (aileen) will never doubt God again.